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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 7:55:30 GMT -5
Chapter : 1
In the streets of LA in 1959 live a 13 year old ophan girl with black and brown eyes name Vannessa. She does'nt know much about herself all hat she know is that she know is that everyone kept saying that she looks like a Valiant.It gets Old.
Meanwhile in the Acme factory were the five weasels who have been sent by there cursed caused of there behavior in 1947.
The weasel named Smartguy was sittiong on a box trying to think of plan to escape.
"So boss how are we gonna get ou of here",said Greasy
"Well if you want to know then shaadup",said Smartguy yelled as who was getting annoyed of Greasy for asking about a hundred time.
Greasy ran as Smartguy got furious with him.Smartguy was finally alone but not really alone but you know what i mean.
He tarted walking up to the nearest bowx sat on it and sigh.He sighed a little.Then looked outside every thing changed a little but only a little.Smartguy wished he and his crew were free.
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Sooooooooo what you guys think If you like my character thatsgreat but you dont her much yet.
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 8:29:51 GMT -5
chapter : 2 "If you ever come back to my store again you im calling the police,"said some grocery guy. Vannessa ran as fast as she could when she got out of that grocery storewhen she got ou of the store for stealing a sliced watermelon. "Whatever,"said Vanessa who was muttering to herself. "Man was that close if haven't got out that fast who knows what going to be the next meat special," she said as she was panting. When she was done eating the Watermelon she thought for a moment and decided to go and visit Roger. Took her 10 minutes to get to the toontown cave. Man remind myself to get my skatedboard next time,"she said in her thought . When she got in there was a curtain then a light came and it was the sun and all the toons sinnging smile darn ya smile. vanessa sang along in her own toon which was different but all the toons liked it. Finally she made it into Rogers house which he was alone to d moew the lawn again. "Its just not fair i have to do this all the time wat if something bad happened,"said Roger who was exaggerating. "Hey Rog," said Vanessa who finally made it "Oh hey Vannessa," he said with joy within him. "Let me guess your wife made you moewing the lawn again,"said Vannessa "Yeah ,"said Roger a little disappointed. "Oh Vannessa you forgot your guitar in my house yesterday and you got a nice golden cap,"said Roger who just realized while lending Vannessa the guitar. "Thanks Roger , Oh no im late for practice see you later Rog,"she said running while givving a wave of a goodbye. "Bye Vanessa,"he said. when he finally see Vanessa gone he just sigh and said "They just grow up so fast," ****************************************** Just to tell you something Vannessa aguitar anda singer but sometimes a lead singer in a band or dancer to group called kicking 5 who also dance she wears a black sweat shirt and a golden cap which she stole and a golden sneakers which she also stole.  . |
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 8:33:33 GMT -5
sorry to some of you i made a mistake its suppose to say in chapter 2 that when she was done eating she thought for a moment and decided to go to rogers house.  |
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 17:37:41 GMT -5
I am sorry to people who liked it but chap 3 is coming when I am done with 4 cause I made an error on 3 so I promise both 3 and 4 is coming up
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 22:23:31 GMT -5
Chapter : 3
Vannessa made it to the alley where her group of friends are.But to her surprised there was only Noah the second guitarist and Curly J the curliest frizzest keyboard player.
"Hey guy's where's Gary and Jaurez ,''said Vanessa.
"Gary out to go get Jaurez where were you !,"said Noah.
"I had to go visit Roger and pick up my guitar,''she said.
Hey guys said Gary Armpit the drum player .Dont ask about the nickname and Jaurez copperfield the sometime lead singer.Jaurez is a greyish weasel with hazel eyes and her clothing is a black vest button up white shirt and a black hat .
"Sorry guy i had to get permission from the ink and paint club to see if can practice with you guys,"said Jaurez
"It doesn' t matter we still need to figure out where to practice,"said Noah.
"Hey I know y know about the Acme Factory,"said Vanessa.
Everyone gasp except fo Vanessa and Noah.
"Are you guys nuts there used to be five weasels and ever since then she kept on talking about it and say its haunted,"said Curly J with fear in his eyes.
"Number one there is no such thing as haunted weasels , Number two y know she is just playing , Number three even IF there were is better thane nothing.
Everyoned agreed to go into the Factory .
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 22:27:47 GMT -5
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Post by Eternity on Jul 18, 2009 22:32:41 GMT -5
Sorry for not responding earlier. It's actually not bad. You're doing very well at writing this fanfic.
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 22:50:39 GMT -5
OMG OMG OMG THANK YOU THANK YOU . I needed a little boost up.THANK YOU MY FRIEND ETERNITY. ;D  ;D |
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Post by Fisi on Jul 18, 2009 22:57:24 GMT -5
Chapter : 4 in tommorow cause i have to sleep right now.Sorry and thank you Eternity i forgive you.
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Post by KrazyRandomness on Jul 19, 2009 1:09:56 GMT -5
This is good. Hope you keep writing (or typing...*shrugs*) more.
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Post by Greasy on Jul 19, 2009 13:14:42 GMT -5
I like it, your chaptures are short and good for reading when the time is money.
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Post by Fisi on Jul 19, 2009 22:28:41 GMT -5
Chapter : 4
They went to the factoryand saw what the inside looks like it was never open .
"Man I Knew we shoud 'nt come here in the first place ,''said Curly J while freaking out.
"If you keep on freking out I swear I am going to swing this bat across your face,''said Noah.
"What the heck was that ,"said Smartguy getting irrietated.
"Duh I think its was over there,"said Stupid who was pointing where the sound was.
" I want you to go over there and see what it is and go and scare it to come here so we can see who or wat is got it.,"said Smartguy.
"Duh ok boss,"said Stupid.
They were all prepare there things and there back up singers which were three toons bird a red bird,a blue bird,and a robin named Eva to prepared the song called Disturbia.
"1,2,3 LET ME HEAR YA,"said Vanessa who was givving a signalo her friends to start.
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Jaurez singing with her microphone
what's wrong with me?
why do i feel like this?
i'm going crazy now
no more gas in the rig
can't even get it started
nothing heard, nothing said
can't even speak about it
all my life on my head
don't want to think about it
feels like i'm going insane
yeah.
it's a thief in the night
to come and grab you
it can creep up inside you
and consume you
a disease of the mind
it can control you
it's too close for comfort
throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
release me from this curse
i've been trying to maintain
but i'm struggling
you can't go, go, go
i think i'm going to oh, oh, oh
throw on your break lights
we're in the city of wonder
ain't gonna play nice
watch out, you might just go under
better think twice
your train of thought will be altered
so if you must faulter be wise
your mind is in disturbia
it's like the darkness is the light
disturbia
am i scaring you tonight
your mind is in disturbia
ain't used to what you like
disturbia
disturbia
Everyone stopped for a moment when they just saw something they started backing up except for Jaurez who was confused.
"What are you guy looking at," she said
when she turned around she saw a dumb looking weasel ghost.
"Duh Boo!!,"said Stupid .
Everyone started to scream.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!.
They ran out the door as fast as they can but the ones who did'nt ran to the door and ran to the other way was Jaurez and Vanessa.
The both new that the ghost locked the door
so now there both trapped.
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btw Jaurez was singing.
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Post by Fisi on Jul 19, 2009 22:30:04 GMT -5
Thank you Cecil and Lynx.
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Post by Fisi on Jul 19, 2009 23:17:14 GMT -5
Chapter : 5
As you can see now Jaurez and Vanessa are stuck in Factory and now seperated.
"Good I lost him Ah man I cant believe I lost Jaurez,''said Vanessa which she stopped runningand calmed herself down for now.
"Oh no what im going to do now,"said Jaurez who is alone by herself still walking by herself looking for Vanessa.
"Dont worry i'll protect you senorita,''a mysteriouse voice said behind her.
"Who said that,"she said who is starting to be scared right now.
When she turned around and face someone she was surprised another ghost weasel came in front of her.
"My name is Greasy mi corazon ,"said Greasy while kissing her hand.
"I think we are going to be close friends very , very , Very close,"he said.
He was behind her on her back.He paused and started to look at her chest then he was about to grab it until Jaurez beat him with her own fist ,Then ran.Greasey landed ona couple of Acme boxes.
"Hey what was that for mi chica bonita ,"said Greasey rubbing his head with his hand.
Meanwhile Vanessa started walking by herself and started to take a tour of the Acme Factory.
"AH Man i knew I should'nt have listen to Curly J,''she said.
Then she heard someone hurt.She ran to the voice and found the very same ghost that scared her friends.
"OW it hurts,"said Stupid touching his bruise.
She started walking up to the ghost .
"What happened ,"she said .
"Duh I got a bo bo,"he said while showing her his bruise.
"How?,"said Vanessa who was curious.
"I Fell on the floor while chasing your friends , oops sorry,"said Stupid with a Sorry look.
"Its ok I wanted to have a breake any way,"she said.
"My name is Vanessa,"she said.
"Duh my name is Stupid,"he said with a friendly grin.
"So not going to ask why,"Vanessa said in her mind.
After a minute the ghost and the weasel became friends.But the moment got ruined when anoher weasek ghost that looked a lot phyco was out of a barel giggling hee hee hee.
Vanessa ran away and crash into another weasel ghost who was smoking in frontof her face.She ran and started screaming.
"Man how many weasel ghost are there?,''she said in her mind.
She was running to a deadend and found yet anothe weasel ghost.Who was wearing PINK?
"You there who are you and why did you tresspass here,''he said.
"Im Vanessa and I was'nt tresspassing,''Vanessa said.
"ARE yiu one them ,"he said .
"Of who,"she said
"Of a person I hate," he said
"Who ," Vanessa said which she was getting nervouse.
" THE STUPID Valiant,"he said.
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Post by Fisi on Jul 20, 2009 9:19:49 GMT -5
Chapter : 5
"For the last time I am not a VALIANT SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!, I was never a valiant I dont look like one and I will NEVER BE!!!!,''said Vanessa who was tired of this.
"Oh yeah prove it.,"he said .
Vanessa was about to say something but then she thought for a moment and realized what she was sbout to say.
"I knew it,"he said He was about to do something bad to her until the smoking weasel came to the pink weasel.
"Boss there someone else here,"said the smoking weasel pointing .
"Who else is here,"he said looking at her for an answer.
"My friend Jaurez and you better leave her alone,"she said.
"Oh really,"he pink suited weasel said.
"You Phyco go over there and immitate her voice,"he said pointing to the phycotic weasel.
"Alllllriiight Bosss, he he,"Phyco or at least thats what he calls him.
"Wheezy keep the brat down,"he said .
The smoking weasel got Vanessa.
"Shut up,"said Wheezy or that what they call him
Vanessa looked at where the two weasels were.
"Alright Phyco now,"he said givving the signal.
Phyco threw something and when she noticed she started running.
Vanessa was about to screamed but Wheezy or yet again that's what they call him put tape over her mouth.
As soon she came she starting hugging the weasel while closing her eyes.But she started to open her eyes she was hugging a ghost.
''Ah hiiii,''Phyco said while waving his hand.
Jaurez screamed and ran towards me.Then all of a sudden all of the weasels showed up.Especially Stupid who just came in disappointment.
"All right boys I think its time we teach them to not tresspassed,"said The weasel in pink.
When Wheezy took the tape out of her mouth she yelped.
"Wait don't I get a request ,"Vanessa said while hugging her best friend.
"FINE but make it quick,"he said putting his gun all most away.
"Well If you let us stay for the night maybe we can help you get back to life since me and Jaurez knows how to do it,"she said.
The pink suited weasel huddled up with hisgang and were talking.
"You know she does got a point I mean I want to come back to life,"said Wheezy.
"Yeah boss I want to come back to life as well and plus I do love very beautiful grey weasels,"Greasy said.
The pink suited weasel rolled his eyes like it was'nt the first time he had said that to any weasel or lady.
"Yeah boss,"said Stupid and Phyco.
"FINE!!,"he said.
They went back to Vanessa and Jaurez.
"Deal but only one night and plus you got to make us alive by tommorow or else,"he was about to finnish he sentence when all of his gang except for Stupid putting there fingers on there throught and made slicing sounds.
"Deal ,"said Vanessa.
So now they were staying at the factory for one night.
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;D 
