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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 13, 2008 21:48:40 GMT -5
INTRODUCTION
What happens when a haywired Judge exposes his true self and puts our favorite heroes on the line? What happens when you're on the run, but don't know when or where to turn? What happens when you try to send Harry Potter a toilet seat? This action-packed adventure story of both comedy, grief and danger has all but the last statement, and it will be sure to leave you sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for more!
*Sponsered by the "Aw Crud Your Fic Is Never Going To Be Published But It Can Have a Cool So-Called 'Preveiw Thing' On The Back" publishing company and Doritos, "Taste the Beast."
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 13, 2008 21:52:40 GMT -5
A pale man wearing all black stepped into the Bar, and five weasels surrounded by a somewhat suspicious air snickered behind him. Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared.
"I'm looking," the man said in a smooth voice, peering at the drunks, "For a murderer."
The people uncomfortably returned to their conversations and drinks. Some watched the deadily calm Judge Doom and his dark, sinister companions out of the corner of their eyes. The Judge made a sweeping motion with his hand and the weasels responded by walking quickly into the room and taking various positions. They turned their their heads in unision to watch Doom intently, and a brown one with wild, spikey headfur and shifting neon-blue-irised endlessly swirling pink-and-yellow eyes lets loose three high-pitched giggles. A few guys turned around to stare at him. Psycho ignored them.
"A rabbit," the Judge continued, while many customers started to leave the Bar, "A Toon rabbit about yeay.." He pushed down on a midget's head so that he had to squat, "Big."
A woman from behind the beverage counter wearing a red and black dress and a black hat maked a gesture to the midget and he runs over to her. She puts her arm on his back and speaks up. "There's no rabbit here. So stop harassing my customers."
"I didn't come here to harass. I came here to reward."
Doom walked up to a one-armed soldier and grabbed his empty sleeve. He rubbed out the word FRENCH on the menu black board. He then adds his own word, making the chalk screech loudly. The people in the bar cringed. He finished and stepped back to gaze at the black board. The board read, 'RABBIT DIP $500'. A dirty man named Angelo whistles and Doom turns to him.
"I've seen a rabbit," he said slowly. Judge Doom looked at him intently.
"Where?" the Judge asks. A small gasp sounded in the Bar, but everybody ignored it. The Judge leans closer to Angelo. "Where?" he asked again, a little louder. The weasels seemed to lean forward a little with anticipation.
"Right here in the Bar," Angelo replied with a straight face. He paused, then rested an arm on an invisible character beside him. "Say hello... Harvey. Ha ha ha!"
Angelo and some of the customers close to him started to laugh. The Judge looked at them and chuckled coldly. They all stopped in unision. Doom paused and noticed a scratching sound behind him, and he whirled around, looking for what was making it. Doom spotted a rotating record and walked up to it and turned off the machine. He took the record off the crockery and examined it carefully. Then he sniffs it. Some of the drunks looked at him, squinting, as though confused, while the weasels seemed to think that sniffing an object was perfectly normal for a human being. Doom suddenly shouted, giving everybody, including the weasels, a start.
"He's here!" The Judge tossed the record like a frisbee, and before the weasel could react, it lodged itself into a chubby one's mouth, whom was clothed in a striped T-shirt. Psycho started giggling and pointed at Stupid. The obvious weasel leader, whom was wearing an authorative-looking light pink Zoot suit and a matching hat with a hot pink band and tie with a jewel stuck to it and classic white spats on his feet, burst out laughing.
"Stop that laughing!" Doom commanded in a threatening tone, seeming alarmed.
"Hehehehehahahah!!" Smart Guy clutched his stomach. Doom quickly walked up to him and whacked Smart Guy with his cane, sending him flying into a table, which broke and collapsed. Doom stood over him.
"Have you forgotten what happened last time?!" he said. The crunching of glass is heard while Smart Guy pulled himself up, looking ashamed. "If you don't stop that laughing, you're going to end up dead, just like your idiot hyena cousins!"
"Say, Boss, you want we should disresemble the place?"
"No, sergeant, disassembling the place won't be necessary. The rabbit, will come, right to me..."
Judge Doom had walked into a doorway, came back out, and then spotted a fire extingusher hanging on the wall. People watched him with great interest as he tapped out a catchy beat with his black cane on the extinguisher. The weasels stiffened as they watched him.
TAP, TAP A TAP TAP!! Doom taps a wall. The weasels started to tremble ever so slightly.
"No Toon can resist the ol' Shave and a Hair Cut Trick!" Doom tapped out Shave and a Hair Cut again, and the weasels started to shake violently, perspiration running down their necks.
"Shave and a Hair Cut..." Doom said softly, while the weasels meanwhile look as if they're going mad. There was a sudden, huge crash, and brown dust revealed Roger on his knees. A large hole in the wall is behind him.
"Twooo biiiiits!" Doom grabbed the white rabbit by the throat, making Roger gag.
"Hey, Judge, what shall we do with the wall flowah?" Smart Guy and a second weasel, Greasy, were standing by the large hole in the wall. Greasy had darker fur than the rest of the weasels, mostly because he's Mexican, and wore green pants hiked up to his chest, a green trenchcoat, and a large-rimmed green Zoot hat and white-and-black golf shoes. He and Smart Ass both had their switchblades out, pointing them at a man called Eddie Valliant. Greasy sneered menacingly at Valliant.
"We'll see to him later. Right now I feel like dispensing some justice. Bring me some DIP." Doom tightened his grip on Roger, making Roger gag again.
Stupid and Greasy walked out of the room and came back in with a big metal barrel. Doom ripped the top off, revealing a toxic, green-yellow substance filled to the rim.
"Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?" Doom looked at Roger.
"Well, yeah-- ack!" Doom once again choked Roger. Doom tried to make Roger come in contact with the DIP, but Roger pushing away from the barrel with his ears. Valliant, who had walked behind the counter, said something to Dolores. Dolores loudly whispers something back, and Eddie urgently mumbles something in response. Dolores grabbed a small glass and some beer and started to pour. Eddie finished pouring for her.
"Hey, Judge! Doesn't a dying rabbit deserve a last request?" Eddie glanced Roger.
"Yeah. Nose plugs would be nice." Roger said.
"I think you want a drink. How 'bout it, Judge?"
"Well, why not. I don't mind prolonging the execution." Doom pulled Roger away from the DIP.
Eddie held out the drink. "Happy trails."
"No thanks Eddie, I'm trying to cut down."
"Drink the drink."
"But I don't want the drink."
"He doesn't want the drink," Doom said.
Eddie held the glass in Roger's face. "He does."
"I don't."
"You do."
"I don't."
"You don't."
"I do."
"You don't."
"I do."
"You don't."
"Listen pal, when I say I do, that means I do!" Roger grabbed the glass and chugged the beer. Then he turns red and started shaking violently, and he grabbed his head. Suddenly he lept toward the ceiling and Doom couldn't hold him any longer. Roger emited a high, ear-piercing shriek, breaking almost all of the glass in the Bar. Valliant jumped over the counter and, while the unexpecting weasel was still getting his switchblade out, punched Greasy hard on the side of his face, sending him flying with a loud grunt of pain. Valliant then moved on to kicking Psycho in the chin, who was also sent flying through the air. Psycho landed on an empty table, which broke and collapsed, and Stupid approached Valliant. Just as Valliant was about to get hit by Stupid’s baseball bat, he kicked him in the stomach, knocking Stupid into the crowd of drunks- and into Judge Doom. A tall, smoky blue weasel with several cigarettes in his mouth, whom is wearing a light gray dress shirt with a loose black tie, a black vest and a bowler cap with a band that matches his fur color, stepped up to Valliant. Valliant, in turn, punched him, and Wheezy went stiff with pain and fell into an abandoned table, which also broke and collapsed. Smart Guy ran up and delivered a punch in Valliant's stomach, and then one on the side of his head, which makes Valliant whirl around and lean on the counter. Valliant then noticed bottles under the counter- bottles of beer that haven’t already broken. He grabbed one and threw it into Smart Guy’s face, which makes him to fall to the floor. Roger finally fell from the ceiling, and Valliant catches him before he dives head-first into the DIP.
“Gotcha, kid,” Valliant said as he tipped the barrel of DIP over.
“Waaah-!!” Doom screamed as the DIP poured over him while everybody else backed away from the toxic liquid. Then Doom appeared to. . . melt. “Aaah! I’m melting!” The weasels quickly pulled themselves up and raced toward the unfortunate Judge. Apparently they hadn't heard his cries, because when they saw yellow paint seeping out of his shoes, they stared at him in horror. Doom, whose legs are almost totally melted away, waves his arms in panic.
"Why are you just standing there?! Help me!"
"Y-you're a-?!" Smart Guy said shakily, watching Doom slowly but surely melt.
“Yes, yes, a Toon! But no matter what I am, I’m still your imployer! Now get me out of this DIP!”
“How?!” Smart Guy threw his hands up in the air. “You’re surrounded by it, haven'tcha noticed?!”
“Walk through it! Pull me out!”
Smart Guy and the other weasels, who were beginning to panic, now stare at the Judge in shock. “Wha- What?” Smart Guy must have misunderstood him. Doom would put himself first, instead of the weasels, wouldn’t he? He did before, when the Police were about to DIP Smart Guy for his crimes.
“Are you idiots deaf? I command you to get over here and pull me out of the DIP!”
“But then-“
“You’ll die. Who gives a care if some dumb smelly weasel dies anyway?”
“HEY!!” Smart Guy shouted.
"Excuse me?" Wheezy asked, turning his head sideways while narrowing his eyes at Doom.
"Please repeat." Psycho said, holding up his razor and bearing his teeth.
"How dare you!" Greasy said, taking a step forward in rage.
"Eh?" Stupid asked, holding up his bat menacingly.
“Do it.” Doom says.
“No.” They all say in unison.
Only Doom’s neck and head were left now. He seemed to be getting the idea he was going to die, and he smiled. “I always knew that you were going to refuse what was coming to you.”
Smart Guy paused, and then spoke. “What in the world world are you babbling about?”
“When my gorgeous plan revealed itself to the world, I would have no further use of you and your stupid, smelly, dirty comrades anymore. I would be forced to kill you.” His neck and the back of his head was gone. Smart Guy and the others backed away from him. Doom laughed like a maniac. “We’ll meet again, be sure of that, we’ll meet again…” The rubber mask he was wearing slid off, but his face had already melted away. Valliant and everybody else, including the weasels, who were still backing away from Doom's remains, stared at the rotten devil of a Judge. When the last of Doom vanished, the Bar was pin-drop quiet for a few minutes. Then everybody turned to the weasels, whom had gathered closely to each other. Smart Guy tried to say something but stuttered instead and shrugged innocently while shaking his head, eyes still wide. Greasy gulped, and Psycho was still staring at Doom’s puddle, Wheezy had his jaw hanging open, which made his cigarettes fall out of his mouth, and Stupid kept glancing at Doom, then at his comrades, then at Valliant and Dolores.
“What in the-?” Angelo looked around.
“So… Doom was.. A Toon? And.. A plan?” Dolores turned to Eddie, who was scowling. “I don’t get it.”
Valliant nods. “Doom snowed on us.” A pause. “I don’t get it, either. But I’m pretty sure his little Toon Patrol does.” While Dolores ran off to call the cops, Valliant grabbed a knife, quickly dipped it in the spilled DIP, and walked up to Smart Guy. Smart Guy backed up against a wall, his hands up.
“But-!” Smart Guy said, unable to finish his sentence.
“You wanna tell us something, weasel?” Valliant held up the knife and shook it, while everybody watched them in wonder.
“I swear, I- we- don’t know anything-!”
“If you didn’t know anything, then you wouldn’t have been following him around like dogs.” Valliant made a gesture towards Doom’s remaining yellow puddle. “But it’s OK if you wanna be a rotten little rat right now. The court will probably sentence you to death anyway. But ask yourself- do you wanna die right now, or in the next few weeks? A little extra time doesn’t hurt.”
“I- uh.. I-” Greasy gave Smart Guy ‘The Look,’ and Smart Guy spoke to Valliant quickly. “We were supposed to help Doom win that relection to get Toon Town's Will and then he killed Acme so he could get the said Will so he could destroy it so he could legally destroy Toon Town to make a highway- well, not really a highway, more like a freeway- and then he would retire and he would get money from the freeway and me and my boys would get a big pay 'cause we don’t have any money and we’re desprate. But I- we didn’t know he was a-”
“You didn’t know? You didn’t know?” Valliant shook his head. “But you worked for him! And if you didn’t have any money, how come you aren’t in a homeless place?”
“Well, uh, yes. I, uh, we boarded with him for a while. But we didn’t know he was a Toon. I don’t know anything else.”
“You don’t know anything else..” Valliant shook his head again. “Angelo, come ‘ere. Hold this.” Eddie handed Angelo the knife. “If they try to get away before the cops show, you know what to do with that.”
“Do what?”
“Stab them you idiot.”
“Right.”
“Dolores, I’ve gotta talk to you.”
“Sure, Eddie.” Dolores and Valliant walked outside the room. Eddie faced her.
“These weasels- I’m sure they aren’t telling me everything. And, Doom killed Acme? I don’t get it. And I’ve run out of both suspects and witnesses.”
“Then how are you going to figure out what all of this is?”
“…. I.. Don’t know.” Eddie looked stumped.
“Oh, no.” Dolores looked away, then suddenly turned back to Eddie. “Oh, wait! Maroon! Eddie, didn’t Roger’s wife tell you Maroon blackmailed Acme?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right.” Eddie grabbed his hat from a coat hanger. “I’m going over to the Studios. Can you keep the weasels here until the police come?”
“Sure, Eddie.”
Valliant and Dolores walked back into the room, only to find the Bar completely destroyed. Tables and chairs were knocked over, acholic beverages were spilled onto the floor, people were trying to pull themselves up. Angelo looked shocked, with his face bearing a slightly bloody cut. He gulped. “They- They went that way.” Angelo pointed to the front door leading out.
Eddie started to walk towards the exit. “Jeez. OK. Roger, come on.” He stopped and looked around. “Roger?” He faced the nervous-looking Angelo again. “Where’s Roger?”
“….They took him. The weasels.”
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Post by Eternity on Jul 13, 2008 21:53:39 GMT -5
I can't wait for the next chapter. I hope Ed will rescue Roger in time.
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Post by Greasy on Jul 14, 2008 6:31:51 GMT -5
Very interesting, what do the weasels want with Roger?
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 14, 2008 18:08:11 GMT -5
Thanks, guys. I'm hoping to put the next chapter up in a few days.
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 23, 2008 23:27:31 GMT -5
OK, on friday I will post it. Even though I'm not able to type it out on a teensy cellphone keyboard I've already thought and planned exactly what to write in the next chapter. And please don't PM or Email me about it (*cough*Eternity*cough*Blooper*cough*); I've already got friends asking me about it and I'm extremely annoyed with my mother. In other words, I'm on the edge of insanity with one foot on a banana peel.
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Post by The Unknown on Jul 24, 2008 4:44:15 GMT -5
Just take your time, Weasel Freak! Don't rush things just because the readers are begging and annoying you! I know how it is (not with Orphan, since I haven't gotten responses). Type it whenever you have the time. Please, people, if you keep pressuring Weasel Freak or any other member to post the next chapter to their fic, they probably won't post anything at all. It requires PATIENCE. See the key word right there? We all have lives OUTSIDE of the internet. Some of us are busy, and some of us sleep all day. *COUGH* Plus, it's summer, so most of the members are on vacation to, say, Disney World, maybe? If you all will be patient, the fics will continue. Remember, patience is the key. And it's usually the waiting that is more exciting than the receiving.
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 24, 2008 22:55:02 GMT -5
Thanks, K. The only problem is, I want to type it but can't, and I'm stuck at home literally all day long with NOTHING to do. .................. *sniff*
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 25, 2008 23:05:39 GMT -5
“That dirty no good scum-covahd son of a-”
“What are we going to do with the rabbit, eh, Boss?” Greasy had been listening to Smart Guy curse and rant about Judge Doom for what seemed like a year, and now he was losing his patience.
“You’ll find out when we get to da place.”
“Where?”
“You’ll find out sooner or later.” Smart Guy said through his clenched teeth, swerving in front of a red pick-up truck. Wheezy slid the small rectangular window open from behind and looked up at him.
“When do we get there, Boss?”
“When we get there.” He turned the van around a sharp corner and there was a ‘Bang’ in the back as someone fell down. Something screamed, then there was a smaller ‘Bonk’ sound and then silence. Wheezy, Psycho and Stupid were apparently having trouble with Roger in the rear end of the van. Smart Guy came to a fork in the road. On the road to his right was a sign that said, “You Are Now Leaving California.” On the left road stood no sign and was very rocky. Smart Guy, after a long pause, turned the van onto the rocky road. Several minutes passed before a pop was heard outside of the van, and Smart Guy started to have some trouble driving. He pulled the van over and hopped out.
“Oh God oh God, not right now, not here, not-”
He spotted a hole in his back left tire.
“Oh, just blow it all… WHEEZY!! STUPID!! WE NEED A SPARE TIRE!! GET IT OUT HERE, WILL YA?!!”
“Duh! Okay, Boss!” Stupid called from the back. The doors swung open and Wheezy hopped out, one foot still on the van’s floor.
“One sec, kay Boss?” He pulled himself back inside. A few moments he came back out. “Uh, Boss? I think we already used it, remember? Last week, maybeh, a’ Doan's?”
“Awwww, freakin’…”
“Boss, hey, Boss?! What’s going on?” Greasy stuck his head out the driver’s window.
“A hole in the tire and we have no spare. Town’s too far to walk back to, it’s way behind us now…” Smart Guy said slowly, suddenly losing his fierceness.
“So now what‘re we going to do, Sherlock?” Greasy asked.
“Shaddup, I’m thinkin’ here..” The harshness was back in his voice.
“Um, it still works, riiiight? Hee, hihihee.” Psycho asked from behind Smart Guy, making him jump.
“Psycho! What’re ya doin’ out here?! Get back in the van and watch Roger!!”
“Oops. Uh. Bye!” Psycho skadaddled right back into the van. A few minutes later he shrieked. “Eiyeeeeeeeeeeeaah!! Stuuupiiiid!! Stupid your bat now-”
Roger bounded out of the van. Psycho jumped on him like a kitten, knocking him down, razor pointed at his throat.
“Pbpbpbpbpbpbpbpblease don‘t hurt me! What did I do wrong?! Did I break the law?!” He gasped and Psycho rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to be a bad guy!” Roger whined. “I didn’t do anything, I swear!”
“Shaddup you stupid rabbit, you didn’t do anything wrong! You-did-not-break-the-law!!” Smart Guy said over Roger’s protests. Roger paused.
“What do you want from me, then?”
The weasels all grinned at him eerily, sending shivers down his spine.
“Oh, nothing.” Smart Guy told him sarcastically. Psycho let him up, but held on to his arm.
“Really?” Roger asked eagerly.
“Really really.” Greasy said. Wheezy snickered against his will. Roger heard him.
“Nuh-uh! If you wanted me for nothing, then you wouldn’t want me!”
“I’m sure if I think about that sentence for a few minutes, I’ll be able to figure it out,” Smart Guy snapped. “But you’re going to cooperate with us, whether you like it or not. Stupid, knock him out already, will ya?!”
Stupid raised his bat.
“WAIT!!!” Roger shouted, hands up to cover his face.
Stupid waited.
“Stupid, hit him, NOW.”
“But-!” Roger squeaked.
“But what?!” It was clear that Smart Guy was losing his patience, that he was so close to just killing everything in sight. Roger gulped.
“If I don’t be bad can I stay awake?” He asked innocently.
“Grrr… Fine, if you shudup already. Do you hear me? SHUT. UP. Two words. They mean keep your piehole shut at all times or I will personally pummel you.”
Roger nodded silently.
“Good. Just- Stay that way, stay where you are and don’t move. Now, what in the name of the Lord are we gonna do?”
“Walk.” Greasy said.
“We can’t-” Smart Guy started.
“Walk,” Greasy repeated. “It’s our only option.”
“But the van- I paid big money for that van!” Smart Guy angrily gestures to the van.
“Boss. We have a flat tire. We have no spare tire. We have no other form of transportation, and the cops are after us. We walk.”
Smart Guy sighed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Let’s go. Move it.”
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 25, 2008 23:10:11 GMT -5
While I was doing that last chapter, I was all like, "Ha! Smarty's cute when he's mad! "
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Post by Eternity on Jul 25, 2008 23:15:20 GMT -5
Ahhhh, relief! First they learn their boss lied to them and planned to kill them, then they're the most wanted Toons in the country, they get a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, and on top of all that, they have a hostage that won't shut up! They're just not having a good day! I still don't get what they want Roger for, though.
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Post by Weasel Freak on Jul 26, 2008 10:54:08 GMT -5
Eddie parked in Maroon’s driveway and got out of his car, slamming the door shut. He then walked over to the passenger’s door and pulled it open, and Dolores got out.
“Are you sure this is a good idea, Eddie?” she asked him.
“Positive.”
“Only fools are positive.”
“Then God let me be hopeless.” He started up the staircase. “Dolores, keep an eye out for me, eh?”
“Sure Eddie. Good luck.”
“Thanks.”
Eddie opened Maroon’s door. Maroon was waiting at his desk.
“Eddie! Long time no see, huh?” he said jokingly. Eddie sat on a chair in front of the desk.
“Yeah, right. Okay, hotshot, tell me everything you know.”
“Well,” Maroon started, “Doom wanted me to blackmail Acme. But I’m not good with that, see? So I tried to get that beautiful Jessica to do it for me. I mean, she’s real close to him, and he shows up at the Ink & Paint Club every night just to see her.” He laughed. “What a fool. Anyway, then I found out about Doom’s freeway idea. Wacky idea, you should have seen him when he was telling me about it. I was going to go to the Police right away, I didn’t want to see the Toons destroyed, I’ve lived with them all my life, but then Doom offered me big money if I didn’t tell anyone. Of course, after that I realized that the Police would be no help, cause he was doing his plan legally.” He sighed. “Then, my bother asked me why I was so gloomy, and I didn’t want to tell him, but he urged me this way and that, and I let it slip. Several nights later, Doom killed him.” He wiped a tear from his eye. “And I guess he told all of his friends, too, because in the next week, I got phone call after phone call, and at least ten people I had known are now dead.”
“And, those weasels knew all of this?”
“Weasels?”
“Doom’s henchmen.”
“Oh, the Toon Patrol? I thought they were dogs. Well, yes. After that, Doom had them keep a close eye on me. They’re real creepy; sended shivers down my spine.”
“That’s all you know?” he asked Maroon.
“Yes. Now, how’s the Rabbit family doing after all of this?”
“Didn’t you hear?” Eddie said. “They’ve got Roger.”
“Huh? But I thought Doom was dead.”
“He is. I meant the former Toon Patrol-”
“Eddie, I recommend you go after them. Lock them up in prison for the rest of their years. They’re pure evil, is what they are. They’ll kill people for no reason. Just like they did when they were here.”
“Jeez, really?” Eddie said, getting up.
“Yes, Eddie, go catch them.”
“Can’t the cops go after ‘em?”
“They think Toon crime is a joke. They won’t take it seriously. Remember what happened to your brother, Eddie?” Maroon looked him in the eye. “You know better.”
“Right, thanks. See you, Maroon.” Eddie quickly walks out the exit.
“Good luck... Eddie Valiant. You'll surely get what's coming to you.” Maroon smiles evilly at him.
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Post by Eternity on Jul 26, 2008 11:22:19 GMT -5
What does Maroon have up his sleeve? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
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