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Post by netske on Nov 18, 2007 2:49:15 GMT -5
Well, I hope Nick and Elanie wont blame Maddy. Nice chapter.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 18, 2007 4:59:43 GMT -5
Yeah, I felt we had been away from Maddy's family for too long, that's why I put this chapter in.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 19, 2007 20:05:35 GMT -5
Chapter 12: A Step in the Right Direction
Maddy and Roger had left the Acme Factory, along with their new allies, the weasels. I can’t believe I’m teaming up with Grandpa’s enemies! Maddy thought to herself. She knew by now that Stupid was with her all the way, but she was still doubtful about the other four weasels. Smart Guy in particular worried her.
“Where do we go now?” Roger asked. “How do we find Toon Town’s joy?”
Beep-beep-da-beep!
“What was that?” Smart Guy asked.
Maddy asked herself the same question. “Oh!” she said, suddenly remembering the Kimmunicator. She took her backpack off and unzipped it. Reaching in, she pulled out the mini-computer. She punched a button and the face of a certain 10-year-old super genius appeared on the screen.
“Hi Wade!” Maddy chirped. She had nearly forgotten about him!
“Hey Maddy,” Wade greeted, “listen, I’ve picked up the location of Toon Town’s joy!”
Maddy and Roger’s faces lit up with hope.
“Really?” Roger asked, overjoyed with the good news.
“That’s the good news.” Wade said.
Maddy and Roger’s smiles faded a little. “What’s the bad news?” Maddy asked, anticipating what was to come.
“It’s in a place called ‘No-Toon’s-Land.’” Wade said gravely. “No Toon has ever gone—” Wade stopped in mid-sentence. He seemed to be looking at something other than Maddy. “Who’re they?” he asked.
Maddy suddenly realized that the weasels were looking over her shoulder. They were fascinated by the tiny contraption, for none of them had seen anything like it in life or in death. Maddy frowned and shooed them away from her. “Nobody,” she said, turning her attention back to Wade, “just some remnants of the past.”
The weasels (except for Stupid) looked insulted.
“So where is this place?” Maddy asked Wade.
“It’s a three days’ journey from Toon Town.” Wade replied. “And the place is full of dangerous things like monsters and natural hazards!”
Monsters? Natural hazards? Maddy was now starting to think maybe this adventure thing wasn’t such a good idea. Roger seemed to be thinking the same thing. And a three days' journey to and a three day journey back would amount to six days, and they had only a week to save Toon Town! But they knew they had no choice. If they were going to save Toon Town, they would have to go through this perilous place. Maddy also knew she would have to work with these weasels, whether she wanted to or not.
“Okay,” Maddy said with resolution, “tell us how to get there!”
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Post by netske on Nov 20, 2007 2:18:36 GMT -5
Its becoming more and more interesting.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 20, 2007 10:15:35 GMT -5
I also wanted to have the weasels get their first glimpse of how much the outside world has changed by having Maddy using the Kimmunicator. This little gadget is something totally new to them, and Maddy's gonna give them lessons in modern technology.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 20, 2007 11:15:22 GMT -5
Yeah, I guess it's like a commentary. I wanted to let the readers know that Maddy completely trusts Stupid, she knows he'll stick by her. But like I said, she isn't so sure about Greasy, Wheezy, and Psycho. She doesn't trust Smart Guy at all. Here's where conflict is gonna start building because Smart Guy and Maddy really hate each other at first.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 20, 2007 21:18:51 GMT -5
Back in chapter 8 when Stupid tells Maddy about how they were locked out of Heaven and sentenced to haunt the factory for all eternity, he was supposed to say something else at the bit where he started crying. Stupid, full of guilt and remorse, called himself a monster and that he should've been dipped for what he did.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 21, 2007 16:22:56 GMT -5
You think I should have left that stuff in? The stuff about Stupid calling himself a monster and that he should've been dipped.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 21, 2007 16:54:48 GMT -5
I just thought it would've made it a little more heartwrenching to see Stupid's guilty conscience catching up with him. But you're right. I'll just leave it as it is.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 22, 2007 16:11:30 GMT -5
I hope you can post the next chapters soon. I'm afraid I'm having another case of writer's block! I can't think of how to express the weasels' reactions when Maddy tells them the truth about Doom, or what their reactions would be. |
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Post by Eternity on Nov 23, 2007 10:47:26 GMT -5
Hey guys, ya got any suggestions?
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Post by Veggirl on Nov 25, 2007 14:19:03 GMT -5
Well this is certainly turning out to an adventure! Just as Borris from Balto would say,
"Spending days in bitter cold, facing wild animals, risking death from exposure! It's like holiday in old country!"
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Post by Eternity on Nov 25, 2007 15:14:04 GMT -5
Chapter 13: Danger Waits
Deep in the dark confines of his room, the sinister figure was watching Maddy and the Toons as they listened to Wade’s instructions. Frowning, he pushed a button on the intercom on his desk. “Rostron, report to main chamber!” he ordered.
The doors slid open a minute later. A tall, muscular man in his forties walked into the room.
“You sent for me, Mr. Fallon?” he asked.
“Yes.” Fallon said. He gestured for Rostron to come over to the desk. When Rostron had reached the desk, Fallon turned his attention back to the screen. “It appears that someone is trying to get Toon Town’s joy back.”
Rostron looked at the child and the Toons with some disdain. “I doubt they will last one day out there, sir,” he said dismissively.
“Be that as it may, I don’t want to take that risk.” Fallon said grimly. “Dispatch some of your men to bid them a proper welcome…and sendoff.” He chuckled evilly to himself on saying the last word.
This was it. Maddy and the Toons had reached No-Toon’s-Land. Toon Town was like a beautiful park compared to this! It reminded Maddy of a scene out of The Lion King, the one that showed how the Pride Lands had deteriorated during Simba’s exile.
“Well guys,” Maddy said softly, “this is it.” Excitement and fear fluttered in her stomach as she surveyed the land.
“Don’t worry, Maddy!” Roger said bravely.
“We’re with you all the way!” Stupid added.
Maddy smiled, happy knowing she had two loyal companions. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a bit scared at the thought of venturing out into this dark and dismal place. She looked at Roger and Stupid. The rabbit and the weasel gave her encouraging smiles. Maddy wasn’t sure how, but their smiles seemed to fill her with new courage and strength. Maddy looked back at the other four weasels. They seemed to be urging her to hurry up and go. Here I go! Maddy thought to herself.
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Post by Eternity on Nov 26, 2007 6:09:42 GMT -5
You'll just have to wait and see. I felt like we'd been away from the villain for way too long, and I wanted to show more of him. I also wanted to show Maddy's vulnerablility by showing her inner doubts. I know if I was to embark on a dangerous quest, I would be quite nervous, wouldn't you?
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Post by netske on Nov 26, 2007 11:01:17 GMT -5
Well, Stupid is so nice there. Goo work at this chapter.
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