The life of the Toon Patrol unit

[KrazyRandomness]

Um, no offense, but its hard to read. You don't have any quotations when people talk and you just make a chapter one long sentence. It's just...hard to read for me.

Either way, its a nice story, but I would advise you start putting quotations and stop making it one, long, paragraph.

[smartguy02011986]

Thanks Sunraye I will fix it and put quotations in your right it is hard to read

[smartguy02011986]

Chapter V:

The next moring at 7AM Jonathan Jr. awoke crying his father falling out of bed.

His wife jumping out of bed "are you ok honey." Alice said

"Yes I'm fine its just the baby thats all." Jonathan Sr. said

"Are we going to have this happen ever time he crys" Alice said and startes laughting

"STOP THAT LAUGHING NOW! you know what happened to your mother, your father, and your brother." Jonathan Sr. said

She stoped she looked at him and called him a bad name

"Well its true" Jonathan Sr. said

"Your right she said but you how much I miss them" Alice said

"I know you do I had to say soming to have you stop laughing." Jonathan Sr. said

"Now with all that being said can you help me up and put me in my chair. Jonathan Sr. said

After that there was a knok at the door "who is that?"
Both saying

"Stay hear with the baby I will go see who that is" Jonathan Sr. said

He anwared The door and it was his team.

Hector Hernandez Greasy "que pasa boss." He said

David Maurice Wheezy with a puff of a cigarette and a cough. "good to see you boss" He said

Spencer Jacob Stupid "da felling better boss." He said

"Well he said its great you are all hear." Jonathan Sr. said

"We would of come to see you in the hospital but we where takeing care of some of that work. You told us to do for you we got it done now we are hear." Hector said

"Well come on in and see my new son" Jonathan Sr. said

Wheezy I am going to need you to put the cigarette out" Jonathan Sr. said

"Ok boss." David said

They all took a look at him and.

"He will make a good boss some day he looks just like you boss." Hector said

"Someday he will be the boss of are kids." David Said

"Da ya he will." Spencer said

[Fisi]

Nice chappie.

Those most be the rest of the toon patrols fathers.

[KrazyRandomness]

It is easier to read, but you have the questions in the wrong place... You don't put "He said are you coming?" You put, He said, "Are you coming?"

If you have another sentice behind it, you do this: He glared, saying, "Screw you," before walking away.

[smartguy02011986]

Yes they are LoL Thanks you see were I am going with this story

[smartguy02011986]

Thanks Sunraye I will work on it some more

[smartguy02011986]

Chapter VI

Jonathan Sr. team was walking out the door when they all saw a big black car pulling in his drive.

"Is that who I think it is?" Jonathan Sr. said

"Yes it is Boss." Hector said

"Who is that Jonathan?" Alice said

The car door opened and a Tall man in a black suit got out it was Judge Francis Edward Doom.

He walked up to Jonathan and his family and gave them all a hug.

"Its good to see you Boss!" Jonathan Sr. said

"Yes after I heard about the car accident I was to upset to come see you all in the hospital I am sorry about." Judge Doom said

"Its ok Boss you do not have to worry about that" Jonathan Sr. said

"We have to go now Boss." Hector said

"Ok we will see you later." Jonathan Sr. Said

"Hector" Judge Doom Said

"Yes" Hector said

"You know you are the Boss for now until Jonathan is better so take care and the team ok." Judge Doom said

"Right Boss I will take care of everthing." Hector said

"Judge won't you come in and have some Coffee." Alice said

"I would like that thank you." Judge Doom said

Alice made coffee Judge Doom and Jonathan Sr. Talked business.

"Look I know what happened was bad and what James did was and good of him to do." Judge Doom said

"But he almost killed me and my family!" Jonathan Sr. said

"I know he did but you have understand something Jonathan James is one of you best men! You can loss him do you understand what I am saying." Judge Doom said

"Yes I do" Jonathan Sr. said

"You and him go back along way you grow up together. You went to the same schools you both got in the business the same day after High School when you both where 18 yrs old." Judge Doom said

"You see what I am saying?" Judge Doom said

"Ya I do." Jonathan Sr. said

Alice walked in the room with the coffee and set it down on the table.

"I just won't you to know Judge it good to see you with use right now." Alice said

"Well's its good to be hear with you all" Judge Doom said

Alice then looked at Janathan and gave him a kiss.

"I will be in the next room with are son if you need anything at all." Alice said

"Ok with that being said and all I am having James released for jail this morning." Judge Doom said

"Ok thats fine with me are going to have him over hear?" Jonathan Sr. said

"Yes I am you can going any place at this time." Judge Doom said

"You got that right." Jonathan Sr. said

"Before I go and do this thing you have to make a promise to me you will talk to him not yell at him!" Judge Doom said

"Ok I Promise!" Jonathan Sr. said

[Syrup]

Nice story ^:^

[smartguy02011986]

Thanks you! Its taking me longer then I would like it to but its worth it.

[Syrup]

You is very welcome =}

[Fisi]

Nice chappie.

Good thing James is getting out of jail.

[smartguy02011986]

Thanks LoL

[KrazyRandomness]

Ugh, I haven't this is such a long time, forgive me when I ask who James is. X(

And Doom. O.O omg.

[smartguy02011986]

James is the one who hit Jonathan Sr. and Alice on the way to the hosp. and Doom has just come into my story as of today. I am just making up names that all I am doing for my story.