Post by 1940svintage on Aug 28, 2015 12:36:22 GMT -5
"Save the one liners for the funny pages, chump!" called Smartass over his shoulder.
Hours turned into minutes, and the Toon moon in the window started to yawn and grow dim. As the sun rose on August 16th, I was kept under constant surveillance by the remaining weasels, and I was trying, and slowly succeeding to undo the knot. Luckily, it wasn't done too elaborately and slowly but surely, I untied myself. When I finally freed myself, I kept my hands behind my back, and called over to Slimy, "Hey, you got any booze in this dump?"
"Got a craving, huh, kid? Ain't you a little young to be an alcoholic?" sneered Slimy, pouring a drink into a shot glass from a dusty decanter of single malt whiskey.
"I don't drink alcohol: I drink distilled spirits. So therefore I'm not an alcoholic- I'm a Spiritualist." So far, my plan seemed to be working. If I was right, and these guys handled their liquor the way Roger could- which was not at all….
"Well, Spiritualist or whatever you call yourself, I got news for ya, kid: that drink is all mine!" Slimy gulped down the shot.
You could see the liquid go down his skinny throat as his Adam's apple moved along with it, but then he dropped the glass. "Aw….shi-" He muttered, as his face slowly became red, like a rising thermometer. It contorted and turned green and blue and his eyes popped out of his head. The sound of a steam whistle grew louder and louder, and Slimy shot up in the air like a rocket, smoke blowing out of his ears. A gale-force wind shook up torrents of dust in the room, and I leaped the door in the flurry of papers, leaving Slimy still up in the air.
I crept out of the jail, quietly and uneasily. All the eyes in the furniture were following me as I tip-toed out the main entrance. The only soul who looked up as I passed was a very bored looking Toon secretary who paused from her game of Solitaire only for a moment to see me.
Since it seemed to be a habit of mine lately to do stupid things, I climbed into the back of the Toon Patrol's van, making triple sure that nobody was going to come bursting out of the jail, screaming "Somebody stop that kid!". I didn't exactly relish the thought of climbing back into that hot and musty car again, but since I knew what would happen next, I figured I'd take advantage of it: the Weasels brought me here, and whether they knew it or not, they were going to get me out of here, too!
I clambered behind some bags of dirty laundry (manly mountains of dirty socks that I could only hope weren't toxic enough to make me faint. I only had to wait. It was about three minutes until the doors opened and Eddie was tossed in. The car rumbled to life, and we were speeding out of Toontown very soon.
They stopped almost at the mouth of the tunnel that led to Toontown, and the doors opened once more. I crept out while the Weasels were busy with Eddie. I could only silently watch as Eddie was dragged out of the van, and was drop-kicked, flying out of the entrance to the tunnel with a sack over his head. I knew what this was: the infamous deleted pig-head sequence.
"Kinda stubborn, wasn't he, boss?" I heard Greasy chuckle, and Smartass said, slyly, "Kinda pigheaded, I say! I think it's safe to 'presume' he got the message!"
So Eddie, hearing this, took off the sack they had covering his head. He wondered what they were laughing about, and felt where his head should be. Of course, he felt the giant cartoon pig's head. The open mouth revealed his face. It was smiling stupidly, had floppy ears and was wearing Eddie's fedora on his head. An image of a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth came to mind.
Once Eddie realized what they did to him, he began running down the street screaming "AH! I've been Toon-a-rooed!" I knew, from watching the rest of the deleted scene that he'd be ok. He'd wash it off in the shower using turpentine. Then the whole "I'm not bad" thing would happen. Hopefully, this doesn't change things too much… But I didn't have time to worry about that.
I snuck into the bushes as the Weasels headed back into Toontown, and made my way, slowly, back into the city limits. The first telephone booth I saw, I used to call Uncle George. I said nothing as he picked me up, still very shaken by what just happened, and once we got home, I collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to fully un-dress, even though it was early morning.
I woke up to find myself covered with a blanket. Margaret must have done it. How sweet of her, I thought, as I drifted to sleep again. When I woke up for good, I quickly showered and got dressed. I was dismayed to learn that it was almost 8 pm! I slept over 12 hours!
I was nearly in full panic mode when Aunt Margaret walked in, dressed in a coat with broad shoulders, and a kerchief tied around her hair.
"Let's go, Adam!" she cried. "Or else it'll be too late to save Toontown!" She was so agitated that she almost tripped while walking over to her car. "Hop in! I'll take you as far as Toontown!"
I wasted no time climbing in the car. "Uncle George told you?" I asked, incredulously as she sped down the road.
"He told me everything, yes!" she shouted over the noise of the highway. "You're making me proud to be your great-aunt, now."
I reddened. I certainly wasn't expecting that! But what did I do to deserve that kind of praise? I needed to do something real this time, something that will actually help, for once.
Slowly, as we were entering LA, a plan began to form in my mind. Something I really could do to help! And I knew just what to do!
"We're here!" She called, as she pulled to a stop in front of the mouth of the tunnel to Toontown.
I got out of the car, and she said, "I hear a car coming."
"Go, Aunt Margaret. Drive back home."
"But-… but don't you need me?"
"I have to do this alone. It's going to be dangerous. You need to be there for Uncle George."
"All right…." She hesitated before turning the key in the ignition. "Promise me you'll be safe."
Look at me. A big noble hero… I'm almost embarrassed I said any of that to her. It wasn't like I was going to die!
"I will!" I called over. Just then, I saw the Judge again, waiting underneath the streetlamp with a barrel of Dip (for those of you not in- the- know, it's a mix of paint thinners. The only thing that can kill a Toon. That's how Smartass is later killed, by the way, after the other Weasels die of laughter in the big showdown in the Acme Factory).
I ducked out of the way and hid behind the Hollywoodland Realty sign across the street. Just as Eddie and Jessica drove by in Benny the talking cab (the attitude of a cabbie and a cab rolled into one) Doom kicked the barrel of Dip over, spilling it out into the street and severely damaging Benny's wheels.
I could only watch helplessly as the Weasels pulled up and dragged them off to the Acme factory.
I needed to act fast! Benny was unconscious, and he would later accompany Roger to the Acme factory once he came to, so I left him alone for now. Once the Weasels drove off, I realized something crucial: I didn't know where the Acme factory was! But as I began panicking all over again in the middle of the street, I was nearly run over by a familiar looking '41 deep-turquoise Ford Deluxe Coupe. It looked like it was chewed; swallowed and spat back out of the mouth of Hell, but it was still easily recognizable as Eddie Valiant's car. The top had been sheared off and dangled like a paint chip stuck in a spider's web, most likely because the driver of the car was Roger Rabbit, himself.
Hours turned into minutes, and the Toon moon in the window started to yawn and grow dim. As the sun rose on August 16th, I was kept under constant surveillance by the remaining weasels, and I was trying, and slowly succeeding to undo the knot. Luckily, it wasn't done too elaborately and slowly but surely, I untied myself. When I finally freed myself, I kept my hands behind my back, and called over to Slimy, "Hey, you got any booze in this dump?"
"Got a craving, huh, kid? Ain't you a little young to be an alcoholic?" sneered Slimy, pouring a drink into a shot glass from a dusty decanter of single malt whiskey.
"I don't drink alcohol: I drink distilled spirits. So therefore I'm not an alcoholic- I'm a Spiritualist." So far, my plan seemed to be working. If I was right, and these guys handled their liquor the way Roger could- which was not at all….
"Well, Spiritualist or whatever you call yourself, I got news for ya, kid: that drink is all mine!" Slimy gulped down the shot.
You could see the liquid go down his skinny throat as his Adam's apple moved along with it, but then he dropped the glass. "Aw….shi-" He muttered, as his face slowly became red, like a rising thermometer. It contorted and turned green and blue and his eyes popped out of his head. The sound of a steam whistle grew louder and louder, and Slimy shot up in the air like a rocket, smoke blowing out of his ears. A gale-force wind shook up torrents of dust in the room, and I leaped the door in the flurry of papers, leaving Slimy still up in the air.
I crept out of the jail, quietly and uneasily. All the eyes in the furniture were following me as I tip-toed out the main entrance. The only soul who looked up as I passed was a very bored looking Toon secretary who paused from her game of Solitaire only for a moment to see me.
Since it seemed to be a habit of mine lately to do stupid things, I climbed into the back of the Toon Patrol's van, making triple sure that nobody was going to come bursting out of the jail, screaming "Somebody stop that kid!". I didn't exactly relish the thought of climbing back into that hot and musty car again, but since I knew what would happen next, I figured I'd take advantage of it: the Weasels brought me here, and whether they knew it or not, they were going to get me out of here, too!
I clambered behind some bags of dirty laundry (manly mountains of dirty socks that I could only hope weren't toxic enough to make me faint. I only had to wait. It was about three minutes until the doors opened and Eddie was tossed in. The car rumbled to life, and we were speeding out of Toontown very soon.
They stopped almost at the mouth of the tunnel that led to Toontown, and the doors opened once more. I crept out while the Weasels were busy with Eddie. I could only silently watch as Eddie was dragged out of the van, and was drop-kicked, flying out of the entrance to the tunnel with a sack over his head. I knew what this was: the infamous deleted pig-head sequence.
"Kinda stubborn, wasn't he, boss?" I heard Greasy chuckle, and Smartass said, slyly, "Kinda pigheaded, I say! I think it's safe to 'presume' he got the message!"
So Eddie, hearing this, took off the sack they had covering his head. He wondered what they were laughing about, and felt where his head should be. Of course, he felt the giant cartoon pig's head. The open mouth revealed his face. It was smiling stupidly, had floppy ears and was wearing Eddie's fedora on his head. An image of a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth came to mind.
Once Eddie realized what they did to him, he began running down the street screaming "AH! I've been Toon-a-rooed!" I knew, from watching the rest of the deleted scene that he'd be ok. He'd wash it off in the shower using turpentine. Then the whole "I'm not bad" thing would happen. Hopefully, this doesn't change things too much… But I didn't have time to worry about that.
I snuck into the bushes as the Weasels headed back into Toontown, and made my way, slowly, back into the city limits. The first telephone booth I saw, I used to call Uncle George. I said nothing as he picked me up, still very shaken by what just happened, and once we got home, I collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to fully un-dress, even though it was early morning.
I woke up to find myself covered with a blanket. Margaret must have done it. How sweet of her, I thought, as I drifted to sleep again. When I woke up for good, I quickly showered and got dressed. I was dismayed to learn that it was almost 8 pm! I slept over 12 hours!
I was nearly in full panic mode when Aunt Margaret walked in, dressed in a coat with broad shoulders, and a kerchief tied around her hair.
"Let's go, Adam!" she cried. "Or else it'll be too late to save Toontown!" She was so agitated that she almost tripped while walking over to her car. "Hop in! I'll take you as far as Toontown!"
I wasted no time climbing in the car. "Uncle George told you?" I asked, incredulously as she sped down the road.
"He told me everything, yes!" she shouted over the noise of the highway. "You're making me proud to be your great-aunt, now."
I reddened. I certainly wasn't expecting that! But what did I do to deserve that kind of praise? I needed to do something real this time, something that will actually help, for once.
Slowly, as we were entering LA, a plan began to form in my mind. Something I really could do to help! And I knew just what to do!
"We're here!" She called, as she pulled to a stop in front of the mouth of the tunnel to Toontown.
I got out of the car, and she said, "I hear a car coming."
"Go, Aunt Margaret. Drive back home."
"But-… but don't you need me?"
"I have to do this alone. It's going to be dangerous. You need to be there for Uncle George."
"All right…." She hesitated before turning the key in the ignition. "Promise me you'll be safe."
Look at me. A big noble hero… I'm almost embarrassed I said any of that to her. It wasn't like I was going to die!
"I will!" I called over. Just then, I saw the Judge again, waiting underneath the streetlamp with a barrel of Dip (for those of you not in- the- know, it's a mix of paint thinners. The only thing that can kill a Toon. That's how Smartass is later killed, by the way, after the other Weasels die of laughter in the big showdown in the Acme Factory).
I ducked out of the way and hid behind the Hollywoodland Realty sign across the street. Just as Eddie and Jessica drove by in Benny the talking cab (the attitude of a cabbie and a cab rolled into one) Doom kicked the barrel of Dip over, spilling it out into the street and severely damaging Benny's wheels.
I could only watch helplessly as the Weasels pulled up and dragged them off to the Acme factory.
I needed to act fast! Benny was unconscious, and he would later accompany Roger to the Acme factory once he came to, so I left him alone for now. Once the Weasels drove off, I realized something crucial: I didn't know where the Acme factory was! But as I began panicking all over again in the middle of the street, I was nearly run over by a familiar looking '41 deep-turquoise Ford Deluxe Coupe. It looked like it was chewed; swallowed and spat back out of the mouth of Hell, but it was still easily recognizable as Eddie Valiant's car. The top had been sheared off and dangled like a paint chip stuck in a spider's web, most likely because the driver of the car was Roger Rabbit, himself.