Post by 1940svintage on Aug 28, 2015 12:28:06 GMT -5
"As far as we're 'discerned', kid, you have no rights!" spat Smartass, as he slammed the doors shut.
"That's it!" I hollered. "I've had enough of you weasels! When I get out of here, I'll... I'll-"
"Save your breath kid. It ain't gonna do you any good to yell at them." said Eddie, a few inches away from me.
The ride to wherever- it- was they were taking us was hot, and stuffy, and smelled of old cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Smartass' erratic driving only made the trip worse, so when the time came for us to stop, I didn't think I was in any condition to do anything, let alone be interrogated by that gargoyle of a judge. It didn't help one bit that Wheezy, Psycho, Slimy and Flasher were taunting us in the back The taunting ebbed and flowed as they ran out of names to call us, and nasty things they said they'd do to us, so Eddie and I finally managed to have a conversation:
Despite that, Eddie was, for the first time since I knew him, petrified. Ignoring the weasels, I said, grumpily, "Well, this was some plan."
"What are you talking about? Everything was going fine! You saw what happened. I could have handled them! And what were you doing there?"
The ride to wherever- it- was they were taking us was hot, and stuffy, and smelled of old cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Smartass' erratic driving only made the trip worse, so when the time came for us to stop, I didn't think I was in any condition to do anything, let alone be interrogated by that gargoyle of a judge. It didn't help one bit that Wheezy, Psycho, Slimy and Flasher were taunting us in the back The taunting ebbed and flowed as they ran out of names to call us, and nasty things they said they'd do to us, so Eddie and I finally managed to have a conversation:
Despite that, Eddie was, for the first time since I knew him, petrified. Ignoring the weasels, I tried to break the tension and said, "Well, this was some plan."
"What are you talking about? Everything was going fine! You saw what happened. I could have handled them! And what were you doing here?"
"I was trying to help you! Listen, I know what's going on: this is way bigger than just the murder of one old jokester."
He said, "What could you possibly know about my case, kid?"
"Plenty! I know the connection! Cloverleaf wants to get a hold of Toontown. That's why Maroon plans to sell his studios to them. So Cloverleaf can take over Toontown and destroy-."
"You do realize that Cloverleaf industries is a mega automobile manufacturing company, right? Why would they want Toontown? Or a cartoon studio? It makes sense why they bought out the Red Car line, but not why they'd want Toontown or a cartoon studio,"
"It's the only thing that makes sense Cloverleaf bought the Red Cars to put them out of business to-'' He cut me off.
"I don't think money laundering has anything to do with this. And, besides, why would Judge Doom and his goons be so concerned about this?"
"Shaddap!" growled Wheezy, who then broke into a massive couching fit.
I ignored him."They're in on it, Eddie! They….that is, Doom… Doom ki-." I almost told him the truth about Doom right then and there, but that was the last thing in the world they needed to hear right now.
He made a small noise of exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose. I said, "Look, Eddie, I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that Cloverleaf, Maroon, Acme, and Toontown and Judge Doom are all connected. It seems to me like you could have used all the help you could get back there!"
"By that way of thinking when we get out of…whatever it is that these damned ferrets have planned for us, help me!"
"Hey!" exclaimed Slimy, his voice figuratively oozing contempt and literally oozing slime everywhere else (hence his name), "We ain't no ferrets! Now you just quit flapping your gums before I make you!"
I talked over him as if he'd said nothing. " I'm not cut out for this kind of work. I could never replace Teddy."
"So that's why you…. Look, I'm not worried about that, kid. I'm not looking for a partner; I'm looking for help, and you're to the only guy I could trust now. Since you claim to have all the answers, it only makes sense that-"
"I really can't, Eddie. You don't understand. I'm just a kid; not a film noir detective. I'm not chickening out, Eddie, but I simply can't help and I'm scared out of my mind, and I'm lost…and…and… I just want to go home," I said, miserably. "I'm not like you. You're a survivor. There's a reason you last name is Valiant and why my last name isn't."
"So much for what you said back to me in the cemetery, kid!"
I said, self-deprecatingly, "I know, but this is something I can't do. I have a feeling this could end very badly if I were to join in on all this so late in the game. It's just not meant to be. You and Roger are the only ones who can do this and succeed. I'm sorry, Eddie, but I can't help you now."
"That's it!" shouted Wheezy, "I've had enough of you two yapping! Don't you two know that you're supposed to be prisoners fa Christ's sake?"
Psycho giggled insanely. "Can we gag them now, Wheezy? I wanna gag them!
Wheezy was about to say something, when, just then, the car came to a screeching halt, and the four Weasels in the back flew against the back doors and were literally flattened. They peeled off like old strips of wall paper once the doors opened. It was night-time where we were, but we were parked directly under a streetlamp, and the sudden light nearly blinded Eddie and I.
Plainly, from the merry sounds of laughter and the dreamy, pastel night sky, with its laughing moon, we were in Toontown. "We can handle these weasels." I faltered, as Eddie was dragged out of the van.
A gag was promptly placed over my mouth, and I, too, was dragged into the dingy jail building. Like all the buildings in Toontown, it was angular, with a face incorporated into its design. The two large windows in front shone with a burning red light, suggesting menacing eyes, and the extended front entrance with windows of graduated sizes, suggested a leering grin. The whole building was an ugly shade of gray, and the interior was no better. The offices had furniture with blinking eyes that followed the weasels and myself, followed up in the rear with Judge Doom, his outdated Inverness cape billowing in an unseen breeze.
The core 5 weasels shoved me in a rickety chair that I wasn't certain could fully hold my weight, and saw my wrists being bound together by Stupid. We must have been in Doom's private office. There were all sorts of blueprints on his antique oak desk, and the filthy walls were covered in photos of all the Toons he'd dipped in his five year reign of terror as Toontown's hanging judge.
Judge Doom (Hiram L. Doom, according to the nameplate on the battered old door) was almost identical to the way he was portrayed in the film, except he carried a large black doctor-style bag, and had a Toon vulture-Voltaire, his name was- perched on his shoulder. I cringed, because I couldn't un-see the image of him dressed as Doctor Emmet Brown from "Back To the Future" (Another film that Christopher Lloyd, who played Judge Doom in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"). The real Doom and his actor counterpart were 100% identical.
He sat in front of me on a sagging, dusty loveseat which literally groaned when he sat in it. The carved lion's paws on the legs of the chair flexed their toes in protest.
"Tell me, young man, what were you doing spying on us? And what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Mr. Valiant? My men observed you talking intimately with him at Marvin Acme's funeral."
I felt that the truth would help better than nothing, so I said, "I first approached him a few days ago looking for a job. He turned me down, but we bumped into each other earlier today at Acme's funeral, (Ok, here, I lied) and then earlier today when he stopped by at my Uncle George's house- that's George Kreisl, the animator and artist, mind you- to see if I wanted the job after all. I turned him down, because I will be leaving the city sometime soon," I said, trying to sound calm, but only ended up sounding like what I was: a seventeen-year-old scared out of his mind, and being interrogated by a truly evil man.
All those daydreams where I'd pictured myself in a similar situation, and I act unafraid in his presence, and tell him I know everything weren't even worth the brain power I used to think of them. I was in way over my head and I knew it. He could sense I was scared stiff, too. You could see it in that reptilian smile he had plastered on his face.
"I see," he said, coldly, his glasses glinting. The vulture on his shoulder squawked at me, and Doom smiled evilly. "Would you like to know what I have to say about that?"
He opened his black bag, and out hopped twelve Toon mother kangaroos. Twelve joeys came out of their pouches with letter placards, which, between the twelve of them, spelled out, "Y-O-U-A-R-E-G-U-I-L-T-Y." A genuine Kangaroo court. Would ya look at that!
"That," sneered Doom, "is what I have to say about your story. There is something you are not telling us, and until you feel like telling us exactly what, you will stay here. Slimy and Flasher will watch your every move, so I doubt you'll be able to escape."
"Don't worry, Judge," said Slimy. "We'll watch the kid. We'll make sure he don't escape!" Man, this guy needed a box of Kleenex. Badly, too.
"I have no doubt that you will," said Doom. To the remaining weasels, he said, "Let me know when you're through interrogating Valiant, men, as I have other business to take care of. Now, I-"
I cut him off. "You can't just leave me here," I said, "I haven't done anything wrong!"
"That is entirely up to me to decide, young man. I am a judge, after all, and I say that you're impeding an official investigation into the murder of Marvin Acme. Obstruction of justice, liable for a lengthy prison sentence."
"I'll get out of here, and when I do, I'll tell everyone who you are and what you're planning!"
He whirled around and stormed closer to me. "What did you say?" he demanded, his voice steely calm, but radiating with anger.
"I know your secret, Judge. And not just the business about the freeway, either. I know who you really are, you vile old-"
"Now, that will be enough of that! Flasher," Doom called over to the trench-coated weasel, "Gag him."
I moved my head this way and that, struggling to avoid getting gagged saying, "Why do you never blink? Ever? Why is there a breeze that always tugs at the hem of your cape, even indoors? Why do you wear gloves, and those tinted spectacles?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're implying." He said, slowly, drawing out the sentence stonily.
"You know darn well what I mean. You're a Toon in a mask. You framed Roger Rabbit for Marvin Acme's murder!"
He said nothing, so I continued, "That would have been right around the time that the First National Bank of Toontown was broken into. You stole that moved to bribe your way to the post of chief jurist of Toontown, but not before you killed Theodore Valiant! And then you hired the Weasels, forming the Toon Patrol, and you've been reigning over Toontown for 5 years! You know that I'm right, VonRotten." I challenged him, looking directly into his bright, unblinking eyes.
I saw a small flicker of fear flash across his face, but he simply said, "Absolute nonsense. You say you're related to an animator? The…zaniness of his working with Toons all day long must have rubbed off on you."
He called over to the remaining Weasels, who were watching in the door. "Come, men, you've got a detective to interrogate! And I …." He said, taking a sinister pause, "have some urgent matters of business to attend to." With a flourish of his heavy cape, Doom and the Toon Patrol left the office and headed down into the bowels of the jail to do who-knows-what to Eddie.
"Somebody ought to give you a pat on the back!" I called over to the Judge. "With an axe." I added.
He didn't even turn around.
"That's it!" I hollered. "I've had enough of you weasels! When I get out of here, I'll... I'll-"
"Save your breath kid. It ain't gonna do you any good to yell at them." said Eddie, a few inches away from me.
The ride to wherever- it- was they were taking us was hot, and stuffy, and smelled of old cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Smartass' erratic driving only made the trip worse, so when the time came for us to stop, I didn't think I was in any condition to do anything, let alone be interrogated by that gargoyle of a judge. It didn't help one bit that Wheezy, Psycho, Slimy and Flasher were taunting us in the back The taunting ebbed and flowed as they ran out of names to call us, and nasty things they said they'd do to us, so Eddie and I finally managed to have a conversation:
Despite that, Eddie was, for the first time since I knew him, petrified. Ignoring the weasels, I said, grumpily, "Well, this was some plan."
"What are you talking about? Everything was going fine! You saw what happened. I could have handled them! And what were you doing there?"
The ride to wherever- it- was they were taking us was hot, and stuffy, and smelled of old cigarettes and cheap whiskey. Smartass' erratic driving only made the trip worse, so when the time came for us to stop, I didn't think I was in any condition to do anything, let alone be interrogated by that gargoyle of a judge. It didn't help one bit that Wheezy, Psycho, Slimy and Flasher were taunting us in the back The taunting ebbed and flowed as they ran out of names to call us, and nasty things they said they'd do to us, so Eddie and I finally managed to have a conversation:
Despite that, Eddie was, for the first time since I knew him, petrified. Ignoring the weasels, I tried to break the tension and said, "Well, this was some plan."
"What are you talking about? Everything was going fine! You saw what happened. I could have handled them! And what were you doing here?"
"I was trying to help you! Listen, I know what's going on: this is way bigger than just the murder of one old jokester."
He said, "What could you possibly know about my case, kid?"
"Plenty! I know the connection! Cloverleaf wants to get a hold of Toontown. That's why Maroon plans to sell his studios to them. So Cloverleaf can take over Toontown and destroy-."
"You do realize that Cloverleaf industries is a mega automobile manufacturing company, right? Why would they want Toontown? Or a cartoon studio? It makes sense why they bought out the Red Car line, but not why they'd want Toontown or a cartoon studio,"
"It's the only thing that makes sense Cloverleaf bought the Red Cars to put them out of business to-'' He cut me off.
"I don't think money laundering has anything to do with this. And, besides, why would Judge Doom and his goons be so concerned about this?"
"Shaddap!" growled Wheezy, who then broke into a massive couching fit.
I ignored him."They're in on it, Eddie! They….that is, Doom… Doom ki-." I almost told him the truth about Doom right then and there, but that was the last thing in the world they needed to hear right now.
He made a small noise of exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose. I said, "Look, Eddie, I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I do know that Cloverleaf, Maroon, Acme, and Toontown and Judge Doom are all connected. It seems to me like you could have used all the help you could get back there!"
"By that way of thinking when we get out of…whatever it is that these damned ferrets have planned for us, help me!"
"Hey!" exclaimed Slimy, his voice figuratively oozing contempt and literally oozing slime everywhere else (hence his name), "We ain't no ferrets! Now you just quit flapping your gums before I make you!"
I talked over him as if he'd said nothing. " I'm not cut out for this kind of work. I could never replace Teddy."
"So that's why you…. Look, I'm not worried about that, kid. I'm not looking for a partner; I'm looking for help, and you're to the only guy I could trust now. Since you claim to have all the answers, it only makes sense that-"
"I really can't, Eddie. You don't understand. I'm just a kid; not a film noir detective. I'm not chickening out, Eddie, but I simply can't help and I'm scared out of my mind, and I'm lost…and…and… I just want to go home," I said, miserably. "I'm not like you. You're a survivor. There's a reason you last name is Valiant and why my last name isn't."
"So much for what you said back to me in the cemetery, kid!"
I said, self-deprecatingly, "I know, but this is something I can't do. I have a feeling this could end very badly if I were to join in on all this so late in the game. It's just not meant to be. You and Roger are the only ones who can do this and succeed. I'm sorry, Eddie, but I can't help you now."
"That's it!" shouted Wheezy, "I've had enough of you two yapping! Don't you two know that you're supposed to be prisoners fa Christ's sake?"
Psycho giggled insanely. "Can we gag them now, Wheezy? I wanna gag them!
Wheezy was about to say something, when, just then, the car came to a screeching halt, and the four Weasels in the back flew against the back doors and were literally flattened. They peeled off like old strips of wall paper once the doors opened. It was night-time where we were, but we were parked directly under a streetlamp, and the sudden light nearly blinded Eddie and I.
Plainly, from the merry sounds of laughter and the dreamy, pastel night sky, with its laughing moon, we were in Toontown. "We can handle these weasels." I faltered, as Eddie was dragged out of the van.
A gag was promptly placed over my mouth, and I, too, was dragged into the dingy jail building. Like all the buildings in Toontown, it was angular, with a face incorporated into its design. The two large windows in front shone with a burning red light, suggesting menacing eyes, and the extended front entrance with windows of graduated sizes, suggested a leering grin. The whole building was an ugly shade of gray, and the interior was no better. The offices had furniture with blinking eyes that followed the weasels and myself, followed up in the rear with Judge Doom, his outdated Inverness cape billowing in an unseen breeze.
The core 5 weasels shoved me in a rickety chair that I wasn't certain could fully hold my weight, and saw my wrists being bound together by Stupid. We must have been in Doom's private office. There were all sorts of blueprints on his antique oak desk, and the filthy walls were covered in photos of all the Toons he'd dipped in his five year reign of terror as Toontown's hanging judge.
Judge Doom (Hiram L. Doom, according to the nameplate on the battered old door) was almost identical to the way he was portrayed in the film, except he carried a large black doctor-style bag, and had a Toon vulture-Voltaire, his name was- perched on his shoulder. I cringed, because I couldn't un-see the image of him dressed as Doctor Emmet Brown from "Back To the Future" (Another film that Christopher Lloyd, who played Judge Doom in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"). The real Doom and his actor counterpart were 100% identical.
He sat in front of me on a sagging, dusty loveseat which literally groaned when he sat in it. The carved lion's paws on the legs of the chair flexed their toes in protest.
"Tell me, young man, what were you doing spying on us? And what exactly is the nature of your relationship with Mr. Valiant? My men observed you talking intimately with him at Marvin Acme's funeral."
I felt that the truth would help better than nothing, so I said, "I first approached him a few days ago looking for a job. He turned me down, but we bumped into each other earlier today at Acme's funeral, (Ok, here, I lied) and then earlier today when he stopped by at my Uncle George's house- that's George Kreisl, the animator and artist, mind you- to see if I wanted the job after all. I turned him down, because I will be leaving the city sometime soon," I said, trying to sound calm, but only ended up sounding like what I was: a seventeen-year-old scared out of his mind, and being interrogated by a truly evil man.
All those daydreams where I'd pictured myself in a similar situation, and I act unafraid in his presence, and tell him I know everything weren't even worth the brain power I used to think of them. I was in way over my head and I knew it. He could sense I was scared stiff, too. You could see it in that reptilian smile he had plastered on his face.
"I see," he said, coldly, his glasses glinting. The vulture on his shoulder squawked at me, and Doom smiled evilly. "Would you like to know what I have to say about that?"
He opened his black bag, and out hopped twelve Toon mother kangaroos. Twelve joeys came out of their pouches with letter placards, which, between the twelve of them, spelled out, "Y-O-U-A-R-E-G-U-I-L-T-Y." A genuine Kangaroo court. Would ya look at that!
"That," sneered Doom, "is what I have to say about your story. There is something you are not telling us, and until you feel like telling us exactly what, you will stay here. Slimy and Flasher will watch your every move, so I doubt you'll be able to escape."
"Don't worry, Judge," said Slimy. "We'll watch the kid. We'll make sure he don't escape!" Man, this guy needed a box of Kleenex. Badly, too.
"I have no doubt that you will," said Doom. To the remaining weasels, he said, "Let me know when you're through interrogating Valiant, men, as I have other business to take care of. Now, I-"
I cut him off. "You can't just leave me here," I said, "I haven't done anything wrong!"
"That is entirely up to me to decide, young man. I am a judge, after all, and I say that you're impeding an official investigation into the murder of Marvin Acme. Obstruction of justice, liable for a lengthy prison sentence."
"I'll get out of here, and when I do, I'll tell everyone who you are and what you're planning!"
He whirled around and stormed closer to me. "What did you say?" he demanded, his voice steely calm, but radiating with anger.
"I know your secret, Judge. And not just the business about the freeway, either. I know who you really are, you vile old-"
"Now, that will be enough of that! Flasher," Doom called over to the trench-coated weasel, "Gag him."
I moved my head this way and that, struggling to avoid getting gagged saying, "Why do you never blink? Ever? Why is there a breeze that always tugs at the hem of your cape, even indoors? Why do you wear gloves, and those tinted spectacles?"
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're implying." He said, slowly, drawing out the sentence stonily.
"You know darn well what I mean. You're a Toon in a mask. You framed Roger Rabbit for Marvin Acme's murder!"
He said nothing, so I continued, "That would have been right around the time that the First National Bank of Toontown was broken into. You stole that moved to bribe your way to the post of chief jurist of Toontown, but not before you killed Theodore Valiant! And then you hired the Weasels, forming the Toon Patrol, and you've been reigning over Toontown for 5 years! You know that I'm right, VonRotten." I challenged him, looking directly into his bright, unblinking eyes.
I saw a small flicker of fear flash across his face, but he simply said, "Absolute nonsense. You say you're related to an animator? The…zaniness of his working with Toons all day long must have rubbed off on you."
He called over to the remaining Weasels, who were watching in the door. "Come, men, you've got a detective to interrogate! And I …." He said, taking a sinister pause, "have some urgent matters of business to attend to." With a flourish of his heavy cape, Doom and the Toon Patrol left the office and headed down into the bowels of the jail to do who-knows-what to Eddie.
"Somebody ought to give you a pat on the back!" I called over to the Judge. "With an axe." I added.
He didn't even turn around.