The Mummy Parody (Warning: PG-13)

[theamericanmarten]

Okay, so here is the long awaited parody of The Mummy (1999) by me!

Note: The Mummy (c) Universal
Toon Patrol (c) Disney/Touchstone
The Prince of Egypt Characters (c) Dreamworks
Wolf Pack (c) Me

PS: This is rated PG-13 for brief violence.

~~Prologue~~
~Thebes, Egypt c.1290 BC~

This is Thebes, city of the living. Crown jewel of Pharoah Seti I. Home of Hotep and Huy - Pharoah's high priests and keepers of the dead. Birthplace of Anak-su-namun - Pharoah's mistress. No other man was allowed to touch her. But for her love of the priests, all three of them were willing to risk life itself.

One day, however, as Anak-su-namun made love with the two priests, Hotep and Huy each touched her arms and smeared off a bit of her make-up paint. It wasn't long before Pharoah came into the temple, glaring at Hotep and Huy's priests. "What are you doing here?" he asked. Then he found Anak-su-namun, pretending to be innocent. "Who has touched you?!?" He asked, looking at the smeared paint on her arms. She did not answer as the two priests snuck up behind Pharoah with swords. "Hotep?!? Huy?!?" Pharoah said, "My priests!" Then Anak-su-namun and the two magicians stabbed the monarch to death right before the bodyguards came knocking at the door. "Pharoah's bodyguards!" Hotep and Huy exclaimed. "Go," Anak-su-namun told them, "Save yourselves!" "No," said Hotep. "But only you two can resurrect me!" "We will not leave you!" Huy shouted. "Get away from us!" the two magicians told their priests, taking them away to hide. "You shall live again!" called Hotep. "We will resurrect you!" Huy added, leaving Anak-su-namun alone to face the bodyguards. She grabbed her sword and yelled, "My body is no longer Pharoah's temple!" Then she stabbed herself.

To resurrect Anak-su-namun, the two wizards and their priests broke into her crypt and stole her body. They raced deep into the desert, taking Anak-su-namun's corpse to Hamunaptra, city of the dead, ancient burial site for the sons of pharoahs, and resting place for the wealth of Egypt. For their love, Hotep and Huy dared the gods' anger by going deep into the city, where they took the Black Book of The Dead from its holy resting place. Anak-su-namun's soul had been sent to the Dark Underworld with her vital organs removed and placed in five sacred canopic jars.

As Hotep and Huy performed the ritual, Anak-su-namun's soul came back from the dead. But Pharoah's bodyguards had followed Hotep and Huy and stopped them before the ritual could be complete, sending Anak-su-namun's soul back to the dead. Later, The wizards' priests were condemed to be mummified alive. As for Hotep and Huy, they were condemed to endure the Hom-Dai, the worst of all anicent curses and one so horrible that it had never before been used. The former high priests' tongues were cut off, the two were mummifed alive, and placed in sarcophagi with flesh-eating scarab beetles. The two priests were to remain sealed inside their sarcophagi and be undead for all eternity. The Mejai (decendants of Pharoah's bodyguards) would never allow them to be realeased, for they would both arise as walking diseases, plagues upon mankind, and unholy flesh-eaters with the strengths of ages, power over the sands, and the glory of invincibility!

To be continued...

[American Marten]

I don't mean to double post under my deleted account, but here's the next chapter!

~~Chapter One~~
~Hamunaptra, 1983~

*For many years, men have fought for the land in Hamunaptra, not knowing the danger that lies beneath. And for nearly four thousand years, the Mejai has watched silently.*

In 1983, there was a Toon war in Hamunaptra between the French Legion Toons and the Arabic Toons. Serving in the French Legion included a New York wolf named Alpha and his weasel sidekick named Smart Ass. Alpha was giving commands to the other soldiers when the Arabic Toons came riding on horses with their guns. "You're with me on this one, right?" he asked Smarty. "Oh, your strength gives me strength," Smarty replied. It wasn't long before the two sides fired at each other and Smart Ass ran away to the nearest hiding place since he was a little scared. Then Alpha tried to run, fending off Arab soldiers in the process. "Run, Smarty, run!" he shouted to Smarty, who was closing the door in front of him (Smart Ass was self-centered, too). "Don't you close that door!" Alpha yelled, running. But it was too late. Smarty already closed the door just as the Arab soldier started to shoot Alpha. But the horses were startled by strange noises and shaking in the sand, so the Arabs retreated.

Then Alpha heard the noises, too. He stared at the half-buried statue of Anubis, the Egyptian god of mummification, and the sand blew with the wind to form the shape of a scary face on the ground. As the soldiers (including Alpha) ran away, a few members of the Mejai were watching as always. "The creatures remain undiscovered," said their leader, whose name was Ardeth Bay. "And what of this one?" another member asked, looking at Alpha, "Shall we kill him?" "No," said Ardeth, "The desert will kill him."

To be continued...