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Post by Lola on Oct 30, 2010 8:56:00 GMT -5
Here it is guys. I might change the subject name. ~~~~~~~ The toon patrol was doing their usual route; checking on everything. They’ve given a few tickets out but nothing too severe. “So far so good boys” Smartass commented “Well who would want to mess with us, eh boss?” Greasy commented Meanwhile at the warehouse: The doors slowly creaked open as she opened them. “So this is where he worked huh?” She asked aloud She let her self in and looked around; taking in the scenery of it all; the wooden stairs, the dust clinging to the tables and of course the familiar scent of tobacco. “This place could use some redecorating” She commented “Let’s start with the smell shall we?” She sized a bottle of vanilla jasmine out of her purse and sprayed. The scent permeated the house. She took a heavy breath and smiled. “Perfect” She said “I’m sure they won’t mind that small adjustment” She smiled Back to the patrol: After they finished their food from their lunch break they packed in the car and drove their warehouse. They opened the door and got in. They knew something was wrong when the smell clogged up their noses. “Looks like we’ve got an uninvited guest” Greasy commented “No really? You think?” Smartass commented They saw a figure examining a metal not just any metal but their dearly departed boss’s metal. “Nice stuff you have here” She commented “Can we help you?” Smartass asked as his razor clicked. “Well yes you can” She smiled and turned around. She walked over a chair, sat her self down and kicked up on her feet. The weasels exchanged puzzled looks. “Eh, who are you?” Smartass asked “You don’t see the resemblance?” She asked taking a picture of doom and placed it next to hers. “What exactly do you mean?” Psycho asked “Oh psycho, so innocent” She smiled “How do you know...?” “I know all of you. Smartass, Greasy, Wheezy, and Stupid” She said as she pointed to each of them. “How did she know?” Psycho asked “Big deal everyone knows about us” Smartass commented “Keep telling yourself that” She said “But if it wasn’t for my uncle you wouldn’t be where you are today” She said It was quiet and she smiled knowing that they got the message. “He never mentioned…” Greasy began “Of course he didn’t, he didn’t want anyone to know” She said “I don’t believe this load of…” Smartass began She stood up and slammed her hands on the desk causing them to jump. “I’m sorry maybe I didn’t make myself clear. Uncle Doom is gone and now I inherit everything including his job” She smiled
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Post by disneyplease on Oct 30, 2010 12:37:49 GMT -5
looking good so far Superfreak!!!
(giving you 2 thumbs up)
DisneyPlease!
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Post by theamericanmarten on Oct 30, 2010 13:30:59 GMT -5
Cool. Karma for you.
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Post by Lola on Nov 3, 2010 17:08:02 GMT -5
“Hold it there is no way some dame is going to take control! How do we know she’s telling the truth?” Smartass asked “I don’t think you get it. You work for me now” She said “We don’t work for no one!” Smartass stated “Actually you do” She smiled “Listen toots just because you’re related to him doesn’t mean anything!” Smartass added “Oh yes it does” She said reaching in her purse and pulling out a document. “Let’s see now” she read. “Blah, blah, blah, I hereby give my only niece Amelia Jean Rotten my inheritance and full permission too.” She said They had blank stares. “Oh and you’ll love this.” She pulled out another document “This states that I have full control over you. Basically I own you” She said “You’re just making this up!” Greasy said “Nope, remember that paper you signed in the beginning well here it is” She said “Give me that!” Smartass said snatching it. They looked it over as the others gathered around him. Smartass snarled at this and Amelia took it from his hands. “So it’s settled then?” She asked They didn’t answer and she took this as a “yes”. “Okay first things first” She said She got up and fastened her fedora. “Boys I think its time we make our way back to the top” She stated They made their entrance. Toons started to notice their presence and whispers began to ensue. Once Amelia glanced at someone they immediately turned away. “News spreads fast eh boys?” She commented
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Post by Lola on Nov 3, 2010 19:27:11 GMT -5
who wants to offer suggestions?
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Post by theamericanmarten on Nov 3, 2010 20:19:55 GMT -5
I don't have any suggestions, but I have a karma for you.
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Post by The Forgoten One on Nov 3, 2010 20:20:51 GMT -5
same here
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Post by Lola on Nov 3, 2010 20:57:23 GMT -5
lol thanks tough
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Post by disneyplease on Nov 3, 2010 21:14:17 GMT -5
nice one Superfreak!
I do'nt have any suggestions right now, But I promise if I think of anything for you, I'll post it!
DisneyPlease!
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Post by greeter44 on Nov 4, 2010 4:00:10 GMT -5
Hey there, I'm sorta new to giving helpful advice on this site so I'll just do my best for you.
Well so they've been granted a new owner/boss now hm? I do like that you had Smartass refuse hr at first at least its truly a start, what I would see possibly happening would be the weasels finding certain ways at getting back at her now whether through pranks that endanger her life so they see eye to eye with eachother and know where the line is so no one pushes it. Even when they were with Judge Doom, they didn't seem like they would be at his immediate beck and call, if anything they might gravitate toward their own group before just taking orders from a new face.
I hope some of this helps its a great story so far and I don't wanna be a downer or anything so if you'd like any ideas or anything let me know and I'll help ya out!
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Post by The Forgoten One on Nov 4, 2010 12:27:28 GMT -5
karma for you ^^
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Post by Lola on Nov 7, 2010 15:43:50 GMT -5
Thank you guys for the help I really do apperciate it oh and a headsup, this fic isn't going to be as dark as "my new take" one. Greasy gonna have a few funny moments in this because i like picking on him ;p
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Post by Lola on Nov 7, 2010 19:20:51 GMT -5
“What’s been done so far?” She asked “Just a few tickets” Wheezy commented “Isn’t that a good thing; keeping the town safe?” Psycho asked “Yes and no.” She said “It’s a good thing because we’re here to keep things under control but it’s also bad because the bad things give us a reason to work among other things” “Okay” Psycho said They walked around but nothing interesting happened. “Wow this town isn’t as bad as it used too” She commented “It’s kind of pathetic” “Well as you can see we’re fine on our own so we’ll just leave and forget the whole thing ever happened” Greasy commented “You can’t get rid of me that easily” She stated Smartass groaned at this statement. “Let’s go home then” They made their way to the car when Amelia spotted something. “I’ll meet you back at the house” She said The patrol exchanged looks. “I’ll be back” She said “Alright then” Smartass said closing his door and they took off. Amelia turned back and walked into the bar. This was the same club her teammates and her would meet. They grew close together and became friends; they didn’t think of each other as teammates. They weren’t exactly a gang like the toon patrol; they weren’t quiet as popular but they’ve had their share of the spotlight. They knew how to defend themselves with their guns by their sides. Sometimes they would start the fight or they would join in a random one. There was four of them counting Amelia; Penelope Seymour, Charlene Hammet, and Mallory Ritt. Penelope had long wavy auburn hair with amber eyes. Charlene had shoulder length brown hair with green eyes. Mallory had straight and long jet black hair with dark blue eyes. Penelope was the man handler. She could seduce and swoon them for she was a hopeless romantic. You could never tell if she was serious or just doing her job. Charlene was the talker of the group. Mallory was the youngest; on the outside she was quiet and sweet but on the inside she was just waiting to explode. Amelia was the leader of the group “Hey!” Amelia called taking a seat “Hey how’s your plan working out?” Charlene asked “So far so good” While the girls caught up an unexpected weasels decided to drop by coincidently. Greasy spotted her. “What’s she doing?” He murmured as he listened to their conversation. “So how’s the whole take over thing going?” Penelope asked “Not too bad, I just have to keep them in line.” Amelia replied “Do you think they bought it?” Charlene asked “Not exactly but I’ll work on that” Amelia said Greasy gritted his teeth. “So what will you do?” Mallory asked “Just continue my uncle’s job” Amelia replied “Just differently” She smiled “There you go with that grin” Penelope pointed “Someone is going to get it” Charlene sang “I’ll get rid of them” Amelia said “Oh she is in for it now” Greasy said sneaking away and off to tell the others. “But that’s only if someone gets in my way” “You’re getting rid of the toon patrol!?” Mallory said a bit too loud. Charlene slapped her hand on Mallory’s mouth. She waved at the ones who were looking. She removed her hand when they stopped looking. “If they get in my way” Amelia continued “Do we get to meet them?” Penelope asked They all gave her a look. “What?” She asked They rolled their eyes at her. “They’re not your type trust me” Amelia said “If you say so” Penelope said playing with her straw. “Speaking of which I better get home” Amelia said getting up. “Do you want us to walk you there?” Mallory asked “Nah I’m good”
She walked home and the door creaked open. No one was there and it was pitch black. She felt around for the light switch when something stopped her. “Stay where you are” He said She stopped. “Don’t move” Smartass stated “What’s going on?” She asked “Now what’s this I hear about keeping us in line?” He asked “How do you know about that?” She asked “That’s not important” Amelia began feeling around again until she hears the clicking of a gun causing her to freeze. “I said don’t move’ He said as he got up. “What the hell are you doing?!” She snapped “Eh!” He warned as he pushed the gun into her back “Now here’s the thing. You’re just going to do what we say from now on. This is what happens when you lie to the toon patrol” Smartass said “Lie?!” She imitated She threw her head back and managed to hit Smartass causing him to release his grip on her. She stood up pinned him against the wall. She took his switchblade from his pocket and laid it across his throat. “Here’s the deal pinky. If you ever call me a liar again I’ll prick off every one of your hairs and dip them with you last. Got it?!” She snapped He nodded his head and she released him causing him to hit the floor.
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Post by The Forgoten One on Nov 7, 2010 19:26:06 GMT -5
awesome so far
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Post by disneyplease on Nov 7, 2010 19:28:28 GMT -5
wow, nice job Superfreak!
I wonder whats gonnah happen next
DisneyPlease!
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