Collaborative Fanfiction- Auditions for Wheezy

[Fisi]

Ok here is mines.

Annoyed: Wheezy was at the corner smoking as usual when Vanessa came he rolled his eye's.

"Great,"said Wheezy.

Vanessa rolled her brown eye's and sigh.

"Why are you always smoking?,"Vanessa asked.

Wheezy puffed smoke in Vanessa's face.

"Does that answer your question?,"Wheezy said with his smoke.

"I don't know how was Vidia doing?,"Vanessa asked.

"SHUT UP!!,"Wheezy yelled.

Wheezy was annoyed by Vanessa who keeps asking about Vidia.

So what you think?

[cooper]

.....Lol, do you want constructive critique or just something less helpful?

[KrazyRandomness]

It was good, Lol. And I'd think she'd rather here your truthful opinion, Cooper.

[cooper]

Alrighty then.... but truely I'm not meaning to sound harsh, this is actually more helpful then anything else anyone will tell you.

Truelly, your literature skills are awful. There are no similes, metaphors, or any detail in the stories, and it's not only this, but things all together. You move onto other parts of the story to fast, and you leave out crucial grammar such as commas or apostaphe's. Actually try to explain and compare. It's a real shame to people who actually want there fanfics decent to the world. BUT. Description does not appply to every single word of every single sentence. For example, we don't need to know Vanessa's eyes are brown, that was extranious, uncalled for, and basically not needed or wanted. And don't take this wrong, but how fast you move through the actions in characters literally annoy me and anger me to no end. You confuse me more then entertain me. It's like you don't care. Take a look at Me, Spikey's, Lynx's, and PA's fanfic and compare them to yours. Pick out the stuff that you need to work on, but don't copy them completely, just develop your own style.

Moving on, you also seem to get WAAAY out of character too much. There is no way Wheezy would EVER blow up like that unless you caused physical damage like no other to him or distressed him in some way. Not only that, but how your write most of your sentences is like you're trying to teach kindergardeners.

For example, you wrote previously "Wheezy was annoyed by Vanessa-" and so on. You basically stated the OBVIOUS, and that alone was, dear god, very annoying. Your abusing your setting skills also. "Wheezy was leaning on the corner...." WHAT corner. If you're going to state the location of them, you got to at least put more effort into imagery, or else the characters will be just standing in a white landscape in a readers mind. You need to work also on your grammar.

Example, "Vanessa rolled her brown eyes and sigh." It's SIGHED. Not SIGH. It may seem small, but how badly your grammar is impacts readers greatly. Your humor is really horrible too. It's not funny, it's just silly. Now silly is not bad, but you use it CONSTANTLY and ENDLESSLY. I feel like I'm reading a little kids book.

In short lol, and this may be the worse thing I can tell you now and this is the blatant truth, you need to work on EVERYTHING. I don't want to be mean, but your stuff is by far the worst I have ever read. EVERYTHING needs to be constructed. It's just that bad. When I read your stories (which I rarely do cause it's just not good), I feel embarassed.

I'm sorry if I offended you, but unless everyone wishes the worst on you and for you to get 'trolled' or 'flamed', you really need to improve. If you're young or you've had hard time in literature, I'm really truely sorry.

[Weasel Freak]

Erm, Lol, not to gang up on you or anything, but Cooper does have a point. Your writing isn't creative, Wheezy did go OOC, there's many grammatical errors, and you did state the obvious. I haven't seen your fics yet, but I think that if I did, I'd get irritated with your typing style pretty quickly, and just move on to somebody else's fic.
But as they say, practice makes perfect-- don't stop, you'll get better with time.

[Fisi]

Weasel Freak:Thanx Weasel Freak.

Cooper:.....I'm just going to say that if thats how you feel then it's ok I understand and all but I know your not being harsh or mean but the way you said it that hurted alot in the inside you made me feel like the worst fanfic writer ever.But thank you for at least tell me how you feel but next time please try to make it less harshfull or mean ok?

[cooper]

Hun, the more you show the truth to people, the more better they'll get. The truth hurts alot, I was battered with endless criticism, but I constructed onto that.

I don't want to sound mean when I'm saying something, but it's just the truth. Trust me, if you continued with this, you'll get more harsher things then what I say.

[KrazyRandomness]

Cooper has a point, Lol. The world is cold and cruel at times. Many people want to hurt others.

But if you practice, you will soon overcome anything in your way.

It's kind of like reading music. You might not understand where the A is on the G clef, but soon, after practice, you will know where A, G, and B is on it. And pretty soon, you'll be writing your own music. (Personally, I'd rather play it, but, that's not the topic)

Don't worry, you just need the right person to help you and you'll be writing like a pro in no time.

[Fisi]

Cooper:Thanx Cooper.

Lynx:Thanx Lynx.